FoolsCap

It’s my own dang fault really.

I thought: Sure, let’s see what’s happening with other people in the English Dep’t by checking out a few blogs.

Well.

At some point during my two years away from academia, everyone and their sister learned buckets of HTML and whatnot, producing blogs and webpages that, to me eyes, would only be capable with an advanced degree in computer science.  When did this happen?  I did two years at Wayne, finished all my upper-level undergrad studies here, and not once was I required to so much as glance at a computer for any purposes other than typing papers or research.  And now half the Ph. D. candidates in my department are studying New Media, web activism, web-based identity theories, etc. etc.

I’m not asking for pity, mind you (yes I am), just expressing some more anxiety.  Granted, a lot of the of blogs I looked at were people who were farther along their candidacy than I.  In particular, Shashi’s blog really impressed me–he and I finished our B.A.s the same year, but (my guess is) he went right into the grad program while I first pursued employment in publishing and then spent a year dithering, twiddling my thumbs, and generally doing nothing to make an impact in the larger world.  But here he is, quoting Edward Said and excerpting journal articles like there’s no tomorrow.  I’m not even sure what journals cater to my critical interests.

I’m also a little undone by the fact that I seem to be the only imcoming GTA without a Master’s.  While I’m glad the admissions committee had faith enough in me to offer me the position, it is intimidating nonetheless.  And since many of my fellow new GTAs have done their Master’s work already, they’ve got a pretty strong, specific idea what their dissertation research will be.  So far, I’ve got about a dozen and a half nebulous, protean notions as to what I’d like to do.  I’ve got to come up with something more specific (and interesting) than just "Melville," although my reading of Moby Dick from my senior seminar suggests a lot of the things I’m interested in: the functions of narrative voice and first-person narration, reader-response theory, experimental novels, interrogating the very idea of a "novel". . .And that’s just in the literary arena.  I’d also like to study the rhetorical functions of film and traditional text by focusing on filmic adaptations of literature (particularly so-called "unadaptable" books); I’d like to maybe try "suburban" studies, either in film or lit; I’m keen to learn more about New Media studies, esp. how comics/graphic novels/sequential narrative art are studied. . .my problem is not so much a lack of ideas as an inability to choose one and refine it.

Maybe I should abandon the Ph. D. and return to my first love: the sea. . .